I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
