I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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