totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
