well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
