He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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