then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
