i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
