You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
