i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
