It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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