A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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