i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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