Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
