The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
