I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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