Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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