She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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