Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
