He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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