My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
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You're like the curious george of whores
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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