My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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