My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
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I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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