I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
