I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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