My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
