i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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