What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I had to cum in my sink.
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