Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
