I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
