ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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