Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.