took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
