peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
