I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance