I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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