went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
