so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
