It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
