Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
