The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
