Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
