Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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