so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
