is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
