to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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