We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
