Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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