Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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