"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
