my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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