Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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