so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
