I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
