So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk is not a location!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
