She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize