so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
