and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
