I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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