so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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