We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
