I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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