someone get that fucking seahorse.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
