Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
