so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
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I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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