glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
