im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
