The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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