tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
