I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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