I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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