why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize