I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
